Leony My Pony,
I thought it might be nice if you had a place where you could look at the testimonies of people who love you very much. It's hard sometimes in today's world to keep a testimony going and it can help if you know that you aren't alone and that you have people on your side.
You are a fun and spunky little girl. Dad and I like to say that you are my "Cole baby" since you seem to take more after my side of the family. You look like a Cole and in many ways you act like a Cole, which can be a blessing and a curse. Unlike your sisters you are not timid. You will take off running and just go until you get tired, never being scared of any potential danger. You are also a little more aggressive than your sisters, not afraid of a confrontation if that's what it takes to get what you want. These are all good traits if used in the right way. Once I gained my testimony, I have never doubted it and have been able to defend it. However, Cole's sometimes have a hard time with emotions, which can make it hard to feel the spirit. I have to make a conscious effort to allow myself to feel the spirit. I have to tell myself that it's ok to be vulnerable and soft and let the spirit talk to me even if it means that I might feel sad or vulnerable. I don't know if you'll struggle with this but I want you to know that not everybody feels the spirit the same way, it's not always some big thing, or tears, or a burning. For a lot of the Coles it's peace, love for others, comfort. Maybe it will be this way for you, but maybe it will be different. I hope that you will spend the time and effort to learn how the spirit talks to you and to be open to its guidance. I know that you will be happy if you do.
When I was growing up we went to church every week, had a few family home evenings, and occasionally read scriptures together as a family. I knew my parents loved me but it wasn't the same as the family that you're being raised in. When I was 18 and about to start my senior year of high school I decided that if I was going to say that I was a member of the Church then I had better know that it was true. I had never read the Book of Mormon so I decided that I would read every day and finish it within a year (this was August of 1999). I started reading everyday and didn't miss a single day. (Actually I think the only day that I have missed since I started back then was this past October when I watched General Conference all day and I'm not sure whether or not I read that day. But, I am sure that started reading again the next day and have kept reading everyday since.) This simple decision has changed my life. I know that when I read the scriptures it is easier for me to be patient, feel love for others, not get angry, and follow the Holy Ghost. I know the Book of Mormon is the word of God. I realized that I always had known that it was true but I felt more confident in my testimony having read it. You are blessed because 5 verses at a time you have almost already read the Book of Mormon at age 2 and I know that you feel the spirit when you read it. There is a concentration in your eyes, even at 2 that shows me that you know the Book of Mormon is different from the other books we read and I know you feel the spirit. I know that when you are a little bit older you will be able to read it on your own and feel the love of your Savior and Heavenly Father through its words and you will know for yourself that it is true.
I also have learned over the years that we have a prophet on the earth today. It just makes sense to me that if we have a Heavenly Father who loves us why would he give people long ago a prophet to guide them but not us? Of course He loves us just as much as He loved them. There are times that I have a hard time with something that the prophet or the Church says. There have been times when I have not understood why they would say what they have said. I have chosen at those times to give myself a little bit of time, to not read or listen to hateful things that opponents of the Church have to say and to work on just listening to the spirit for a while. When I have done this I have always felt peace and been able to move forward in faith. I do not know or understand everything, and I never will, but I know that as I follow the prophet, the spirit, and the scriptures I am blessed.
Another thing I am grateful for is the temple. Your dad and I were sealed together for time and all eternity in the Dallas, Texas temple. That means that if you, your sisters, your dad and I keep the commandments and covenants that we've made we can be together forever. I love all of you so much and I want to be with you forever, even on the days when you scream at everyone and take your sisters' toys and make me a little crazy.
I know that we have a Savior who loves us. He came to this earth and showed us how we should live. I know that you and your sisters will have plenty of stories to swap about how imperfect I am when you're older, but I know that through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ I can keep trying again and again to be better. There is no mistake that He can not fix. There is nothing that you or I could ever do that would make Him stop loving us. Likewise there is nothing that you could ever do to make me stop loving you or make me not want to help you fix a problem and move forward. I know that we have a Heavenly Father who sent us to the earth in families so that we can love and help one another and that He has given us a Savior so we can repent and the Holy Ghost and scriptures so that He can talk to us every time that we are willing to listen.
Leona I love that you are a firecracker and full of sass. I love that you aren't afraid to stand up for yourself and that you want to try new things. I love that you force me to stop what I'm doing to read you a book and that you demand "mommy cuddles". You are such a sweet addition to our family and I love you so much. Even though I know it isn't possible I want you to be happy always. Hopefully you and your sisters will always be as close as you are now and that you will help each other make it back to your Heavenly Father. I know that things will be hard in life but if you trust in the Lord it will be easier.
Love,
Mom
May 16, 2016
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